Friday, March 6, 2015

ONE MONTH LATER

I have been thinking about coming back to record my progress for some time. Non-progress would be more accurate except for the negative connotation. I haven't weighed for a few days so no idea but since I've been stable or fairly static for a long time I am not stressing out.

My resolution to get with my best weight loss program did not really work out although I haven't totally given up.

I began to long for something quick like a bread sandwich. Enter corn thins, a gluten free type of biscuit/cracker large enough to take a decent slice of cheese and spread. I also kept on drinking the cappuccino sachets by Nescafe. I wasn't trying to be perfect all at once and I found I was adding in a teaspoon of sugar. Love that sweet creamy taste!

I knew something was not working. First I began to feel stomach discomfit and blamed it on too much coffee. Probably true. Gradually I became more and more uncomfortable until I experienced some gut pain as well as increasing pain in my hands. The last straw was hay-fever. I Very Rarely get hay-fever and am not prone to sinus but this was weird. I related it to the cappuccinos and yet why were they affecting me now when there had been no sign previously.

This week I ran out of those corn thins. I cut back on coffee and even had a couple of days without the evil sachets. Today I am feeling so much better. It helped that I slept last night and had no frightening or distressing dreams.

I am allergic to something. The simplest solution is to not go there. I am far too lazy to go though an Autoimmune protocol and re-introduction to work this out. I can keep my food natural and simple.

I know the signs. Anything uncomfortable in my gut, itchy lips, sore,watering eyes and hay-fever, lethargy, brain fog, symptoms and I begin to crave my off-limit foods. The list goes on and becomes as depressing as I feet.

I tried to sew but somehow it was no longer interesting to me. In fact it became intensely frustrating as my eyesight is not all that good and my fingers were stiff. I couldn't concentrate. I blobbed out day after day reading trashy books and watching TV or playing stuff like soduko on my laptop. I am boring. So boring that I am bored stiff with myself. I was too bored and lethargic to tidy my clothes and do even the most basic housework. John takes over which just enables me to be more of a slob.

I keep wondering what happened to the woman who laughed, who was determined to achieve something and would not give up. What happened to my enthusiasm for life. Somehow all the stuff of the last 'how many years' seemed to have caught up with me and I was wiped out emotionally, mentally and physically.

It seemed like a good time to be kind to myself and just LET GO.


BIG MISTAKE


That was the opposite of being kind to myself. It was cruel. It was slow torture. It was as bad as putting the frog in cold water and slowly, ever so slowly heating it up.

Another lesson learned.

I cannot give up unless I want to be miserable and since I don't enjoy being miserable I cannot give up. 

I'm not sure what comes next. I am trying to go with the flow because I do not want to inadvertently add extra stress. It's pretty plain to me that my body has become hypersensitive so changes need to be thought through and handled wisely.

Enough thinking for now.

I'm going to watch some old stuff on TV like Rawhide and Hawaii Five-O and get my sewing out again.

6 comments:

  1. Too bad both the Nescafe and the corn thins stopped at the same time. I guess if you want to find out which it was that caused the problem, you just need to reintroduce one and wait and see. No need to do the whole AIP thing at all. My chips are with the Nescafe being the problem. Let me know if you figure it out.

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    1. Hi Deb. I have continued drinking Nescafe cappuccinos. They are Not Good for me... I know that but I keep on buying them Grrr!!!

      No more corn though. Feeling a little better .Thank-goodness!.

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  2. Bugga and sorry to hear you have not been well, can relate to some of this post, lets try and get some excitement back into our life together. Take care and will call you soon, time for a catch up :)

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  3. Margie Anne, hi! It really sounds like you need to be grain free, and really limit your sugar. Many, many people exhibit the same symptoms you are describing. Might want to try going a week grain and sugar free, and see how you feel. I betcha it will be a LOT better. Good luck. :)

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    1. I think you're right Gwen. No corn for a week. I had also been eating fresh sweet corn. I haven't done that for years.

      Next is finish off the cappuccino sachets or get strong enough in my head to leave the ones that are left for John.

      I am also on a mission to eliminate sugar ....again. It's amazing how it can sneak up on you once you start.

      Otherwise my diet is pretty simple. All fesh cooked/prepared at home except for a few sauces and condiments.

      It just has been hard to find the determination .... it's all in my head....

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  4. So happy to read you are redefining how to "be kind" to yourself.

    You wrote: "It just has been hard to find the determination .... it's all in my head...."
    It made me think of a couple of podcasts I listened to recently by Shawn Stevenson. In a nutshell, they talked a lot about how determination, will power, self-discipline, or whatever you choose to call it, is short lived and will run out, leaving us deflated. It was a good reminder that we need to get our inner "oomph" from our "Why", our reason for wanting to achieve a thing (get healthy, lose weight, accomplish whatever). I know you've heard all this before, just like I had, but it was a great reminder that we need to focus on that reason God gives to each of us that propels us forward; that lifts us up and refreshes us. Like Jackie calls it, getting some excitement back into our lives.

    I was feeling lower than a caterpillars tummy, so was grateful that God had me stumble on that reminder. I know God has special Purpose for you, too, and that purpose will fill you with fresh passion and energy to make progress. I know sometimes this sounds all pie in the sky, or corny or whatever, but I really believe it. He's rescued me too many times from the cliff edge for me NOT to believe it! :-D

    Hope you are feeling better by now!
    Loretta

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