I have been thinking about coming back to record my progress for some time. Non-progress would be more accurate except for the negative connotation. I haven't weighed for a few days so no idea but since I've been stable or fairly static for a long time I am not stressing out.
My resolution to get with my best weight loss program did not really work out although I haven't totally given up.
I began to long for something quick like a bread sandwich. Enter corn thins, a gluten free type of biscuit/cracker large enough to take a decent slice of cheese and spread. I also kept on drinking the cappuccino sachets by Nescafe. I wasn't trying to be perfect all at once and I found I was adding in a teaspoon of sugar. Love that sweet creamy taste!
I knew something was not working. First I began to feel stomach discomfit and blamed it on too much coffee. Probably true. Gradually I became more and more uncomfortable until I experienced some gut pain as well as increasing pain in my hands. The last straw was hay-fever. I Very Rarely get hay-fever and am not prone to sinus but this was weird. I related it to the cappuccinos and yet why were they affecting me now when there had been no sign previously.
This week I ran out of those corn thins. I cut back on coffee and even had a couple of days without the evil sachets. Today I am feeling so much better. It helped that I slept last night and had no frightening or distressing dreams.
I am allergic to something. The simplest solution is to not go there. I am far too lazy to go though an Autoimmune protocol and re-introduction to work this out. I can keep my food natural and simple.
I know the signs. Anything uncomfortable in my gut, itchy lips, sore,watering eyes and hay-fever, lethargy, brain fog, symptoms and I begin to crave my off-limit foods. The list goes on and becomes as depressing as I feet.
I tried to sew but somehow it was no longer interesting to me. In fact it became intensely frustrating as my eyesight is not all that good and my fingers were stiff. I couldn't concentrate. I blobbed out day after day reading trashy books and watching TV or playing stuff like soduko on my laptop. I am boring. So boring that I am bored stiff with myself. I was too bored and lethargic to tidy my clothes and do even the most basic housework. John takes over which just enables me to be more of a slob.
I keep wondering what happened to the woman who laughed, who was determined to achieve something and would not give up. What happened to my enthusiasm for life. Somehow all the stuff of the last 'how many years' seemed to have caught up with me and I was wiped out emotionally, mentally and physically.
It seemed like a good time to be kind to myself and just LET GO.
That was the opposite of being kind to myself. It was cruel. It was slow torture. It was as bad as putting the frog in cold water and slowly, ever so slowly heating it up.
Another lesson learned.
I cannot give up unless I want to be miserable and since I don't enjoy being miserable I cannot give up.
I'm not sure what comes next. I am trying to go with the flow because I do not want to inadvertently add extra stress. It's pretty plain to me that my body has become hypersensitive so changes need to be thought through and handled wisely.
Enough thinking for now.
I'm going to watch some old stuff on TV like Rawhide and Hawaii Five-O and get my sewing out again.