Sunday, April 1, 2012



Does anyone else hate the New Version of  Blogger? I've just lost a very good post because I overwrote it without realising it was a saved one. Changing the look of setting up does not improve anything. It's often confusing, totally unnecessary and takes ages to get used to. Instead of being able to go automatically to what you want you have to think, think, think or mistakes happen that cannot be reversed. I'm cross with myself for not realising what I was doing until it was too late.

I've thought through my behaviour yesterday and come to the conclusion that I'm still very vulnerable and it doesn't take very much to cause me to stress more than I can cope with.

For me to crave icecream, which is what happened yesterday, is unusual. It is not my 'go-to' food. With that going on it was almost inevitable that I'd give in to cake and wine when it was placed in front of me. What I ate and drank is not the big issue. Why I did it is directly related to a jump in stress levels.

Stress releases cortisol which in turn affects the way we metabolise food and sets us up to crave increased carbohydrates.

Why did my stress level go over the level I can usually manage?

I am still vulnerable. The last  eight months have been the most stress filled of my life. I am now settling into a new more peaceful state of mind but not yet recovered from the damage of prolonged stress.

The chemical reaction within my body is beyond my control. My reaction to circumstances is not under control. I have a lot to learn about managing stress. One expects to manage better as one grows older because there is more life experience giving one the opportunity to be older and wiser!

But..... as one grows older healing can be slower. A broken leg takes time. A broken heart takes longer.

I think I'm trying to tell myself I need to learn better ways of stress management. For me this is easier said than done.

1ST MARCH WEIGHT:-     7.30 am - 100.5kg/221lbs

2ND APRILWEIGHT:-  7.30 am - ?kg/?lbs

Start weight check was 114.5 kg/251 lbs.

Official weight loss for January is 10.5 kg/23 lbs.
Official weight loss for February is 3.5kg/7.5 lbs
Official weight loss for March is ?
Total weight loss for 2012 is 14kg/30.5 lbs

Next official weigh-in April 2nd.

Breakfast:-  Water.Strawberry tea. Smoothie = 20gm carb.

Snack 1:-  Strawberry tea

Lunch:-   Hard boiled egg, salami and lettuce  = 8gm carb. strawberry tea

Snack 2:-  Cheese, strawberry tea.

Dinner:-   Steak with lettuce = 3gm carb. strawberry tea .

Snack 3:-  Water, almonds = 2gm

Carbohydrates:-  33 grams  

Drinking:-  Water x 0
Strawberry and Mango Tea, etc x 6

Daily Goal:-  1.5 lt. or 5 - 6 large cups *yes*

Exercise:-  15 minutes walk *no*

I am aiming to walk 3 km or more each day this month.

0/90 km for April 

Reporting Back ..........

We returned home in time for lunch and a lazy afternoon. I washed the towels and was lucky to get them dry before the rain set in.

While John watched his usual Sunday afternoon motor racing ........ Boring! I have been reading Blogs. I was inspired to look back to when I began blogging here and was surprised to discover my first post was in March 16th 2008. I think the thing that really shocked me was realising we were caring for Mum for more than 5 years and even at the beginning I was complaining about the trial it was to travel backwards and forwards  over our twisty, hilly roads. 

In the first half of 2007 I discovered how simple it can be to lose weight then we returned to life lived around my Mother's needs.

One thing stands out to me. I enjoy making other people comfortable. I enjoy treating others and even spoiling them on occasion. I like to be available when people need help or someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a hand up. One thing I do not like is when they become dependent on me. Babies and children especially those first few years: Sick people if it continues more than a few days: Husbands who do not have a social life of their own: My ageing mother with failing health: In all these situations someone is dependent on me in a way that I cannot tolerate. All those situations cause me to stress with weight gains. 

Knowing the problem does not supply an answer. At this point in my life the best I can do is know when the situation is causing me stress and modify it. If the situation cannot be changed then I must learn ways to minimize the way the stress affects me.

If John read this he would say I just like having my own way, that I don't like being second to anyone. Maybe he has a point.

I do know this. One of the most fulfilled periods of my life was when we lived semi-apart and I had time to become my own person. I wasn't all that happy much of the time. It wasn't fun living in one town while he worked in another. Sometimes 2 or even 3 weeks would go by between catching up, mostly we were only apart 5 days at a time. But I discovered a freedom to find the person I really am. 

I've lost that person over the last few years. This pains me. For some reason I have to fit in with others even if it means dumbing down who I really am. I think life is always a compromise but now that we are free to make our own life again I am quietly working away, with determination, to live a more satisfying life.

Selling this house is the first major step toward achieving this. 

How did I do?

It's been a good day except for the exercise. I'm finding the medication is still making me feel sick and I'm trying to tough it out until Wednesday when I see my doctor again.

Watching a little evening TV then bed. Oh and, today was the first day of the end of daylight saving so the sun rises earlier and I'm ready for bed earlier. I like it.


  1. Stress is a killer... and we have both had our fair share of it I do believe.
    I hope you continue to work on yourself, and your desires, cos we only live once afterall!

  2. Sounds like you are having some time to do some productive introspection.

    I've been doing some reading lately that talks exactly about that... stress, and the damage it does. But it gave hope, too, that as we let go of our fears and negative reactions, and let God replace that with His love while we do our best to trust Him, we can experience healing.

    The crux of it is this: our negative reactions cause our bodies to be flooded with negative chemicals, which causes the damage. But just as powerful is when we allow ourself to be filled with His peace and love, then POSITIVE chemicals are released and flood our system, promoting healing. The author of the book I'm reading is a Christian, and she thought it was great that science is finally catching up to what the Bible has taught for thousands of years. :-)

    I pray you are able to draw near to Him, and let Him flood you with His peace and love. "Come near to God and He will come near to you."