Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Weight:-  7.30 am  -   - 104 kg

Start weight check was 114.5 kg/251 lbs. 

Official weight loss for January is 10.5 kg/23 lbs.

Next weigh-in March 1st.

Breakfast:-  Berry Smoothie. Strawberry tea. water

Snack 1:-  None

Lunch:-   Salami, camembert, beetroot, carrot. Diet lemonade

Snack 2:-   Diet lemonade, rice crackers

Dinner:-  Steak, potato, carrot, cabbage, butter

Snack 3:-  Camomile tea.  chocolate, rice crackers, camembert

Drinking:-  Water x 1
Strawberry and Mango Tea, etc x 2

Diet lemonade x 2

Daily Goal:-  1.5 lt. or 5 - 6 large cups *y/n*

Exercise:-  15 minutes walk *yes*

A heap of clams tucked inside each
other to make carrying them easier.
Dosina zelandica
I felt out of breath compared to last week but had a good walk, picked up shells and had a long talk with another lady on the beach. And I wasn't bothered once by the painful muscle that left me lame. I did have a load of large shells and my shoulders began to ache after a while.
5 minutes cross-trainer *no*

Reporting Back ..........

How I did I do?

Not so good today. I had breakfast very late. Feel as though I've been picking all day. I don't think I was but it felt that way. 

I've washed half the clothes I bought home yesterday. Still have some woolly jerseys and a few other things. Jane is going to move into Mum's room so I need to empty the drawers. So far I've managed 4 out of 12 and then there's the wardrobe. I've heard how often people find it emotionally painful. For me it just seems like another chore. I never thought I would be like this. I didn't think I'd find it so easy to handle Mum's things. While Mum was alive I never went to her drawers unless I was instructed to do so. I considered them private but I no longer feel like that. Strange?

Am I numb? I don't think so. But I do feel concerned that so far I haven't felt a scrap of sentimentality over anything. It's like doing things for a close friend. I don't think I'm detached. Things need to be done and I'm Jonny on the spot. Maybe it's because Mum has been unwell for so long I just want to get through this sorting out stage and get on with my own life again.

John retired 10 years ago, December 2001. For 3 years we supported our daughter in her business, the BackPacker Hostel, and kept an eye on Mum, sometimes having to stay with her. John and I had a rocky time adjusting to being together All the time. Jane continued to work in a hospital for a couple of years. Once she got a part-time job in our area we had our first taste of freedom to travel in our converted bus.

We travelled around, and workamped in the north for 3 or 4 months. Along the way Jane decided to sell the business. Suddenly in October 2004 we were truly free. We planned our first overseas trip, going to USA for about 9 weeks including a Caribbean Cruise. Already we were aware that Mum should not be alone in the house although she was still active for an 89 year old with heart disease. 

Since then we've had two shorter trips to USA and 6 months in the South Island when there was a family need there. We've had some hairy times with Mum. I remember one time when we were down south in the bus and Mum had a health scare. We did a marathon drive home only to find she was well on the road to recovery when we arrived.

In effect we delayed our retirement plans. We never regretted it for a moment but these last 2 or 3 years we became more aware that we had neglected our own lives and time was passing, fast!

I think I want to get this time of sorting and re-adjusting out of the way so we can begin our delayed 'Freedom Years.' Our lives are going to change so much. We have property to sell, family and inheritance things to work through. I had capital tied up during Mum's lifetime. Making it available is going to be a process that demands patience. Meantime our situation has not changed greatly. we are still restricted by property ownership and a mortgage. I do hope that when we put this house on the market it sells quickly without having to make a huge reduction in price.

Tomorrow we will go over to Mum's house and have dinner with Jane. Friday we fly to Christchurch for 2 weeks. When we return there will be much to do. 

One day at a time. I can manage that quite well. I know I worry about things I cannot change but the hardest thing is to be patient with others while they adjust to the changes. We have lost the family matriarch. I think I feel a bit lost at times.

Enough! Time for bed.

1 comment:

  1. Freedom Years... I like that.

    I remember one thing a kind hospice nurse told me when my Mom died. She said that grieving is a very unique thing, and to not let anyone else tell me how it should be for me.

    People didn't understand when my sister and I took a quilting class right after my Mom died. I chose colorful, happy fabric for my wall banner. It was our way of just being together, and on the drive to and from class we would laugh and cry together, as we remembered.

    Now, when I look at my Momma Quilt, with it's loud colors and silly pattern, I think of her. :-)

    I know you'll find your own way to process your feelings. In your way, in your time. I'm no expert, that's for sure, but I tend to want to say.. don't even worry about it. Let it be natural, let God hold you in His arms and love you. :-)