Days Gluten Free x 0
Weight 7.30 am - 96.5 kg
Dietary Ketosis *?*
Energy Level:- on 1-10 scale = 3
General Well-being:- on 1-10 scale = 4
Mood:- Low but improving. I'm working on it. Coffee helps.
Lunch:- 2 sausages with tomato, veggie sauce.
Snack 2:- nuts
Dinner:- eggs and bacon with cheese and tomato
Snack 3:- nuts
Drinking:- Water x 0
Strawberry and Mango Tea, etc x 3
Coffee, black, unsweetened x 2
cappuccino x 0
Daily Goal:- 1.5 lt. or 5 - 6 large cups *no*
Anti-candida pills:- am N pm N
Exercise:- 30 minutes walk *no*
5 minutes cross-trainer *no*
Swim in sea *no* x 0 for week
Walks this week:- x 0
Total walked this week:- = 0 km
My Challenge this week is to walk 10 km,
10 km to go.
My challenge for the rest of the year is to walk 1011 km.
1004.5 to go
Woke up tired and weary. I tell myself the numbers on the scales don't affect my mood but if I'm honest they do. I'm annoyed that my one year anniversary of keeping this record was marred by my eating over the weekend and now I'm struggling to get back on track.
I didn't want to go to Mum's Saturday but had no choice. I messed up, couldn't be bothered working out healthy meals so bought us fish and chips. But I didn't stop there. I'm not a huge fan of fish so bought a hamburger for me as well. I also stopped at the dairy to buy Mum some pikelets and bought myself a 750 ml bottle of lemon lime and bitters, not diet, and some ginger kisses. I found some hokey pokey icecream and Jane's nestle coffee sachets, and I also ate some of Mum's bread and biscuits. Not all at once but grazed too well. I was glad to come home Sunday afternoon but felt slightly bloated with too much food, too many carbs and especially sugar. The damage was done and now I'm trying to undo it but I still feel terrible.
Why did I eat so badly.
1. It was well into Friday evening before Jane phoned to say she needed to stay closer to Whangmata. I was already struggling with the knowledge I had to be at Mum's Sat and Sun while she was on call. I am finding this a terrible burden and it takes a of of energy to have a good attitude on the days I have to be at Mum's. It's complex and I'm not going to try to unravel it here. To some extent I've come to terms with what is, but please God, I never burden my own children this way. I would find it easier to live in the same house but that's not ever going to happen as long as Jane wants to continue in her present job.
Am I sacrificing my own happiness for my daughter? Yes, to some extent this is true. Am I making a martyr of myself. I hope not. We have a generally simple life and while what Mum and Jane want dictates our lifestyle it's better for us to live here, away from the day to day contact with Mum. We have peace and quiet and many days when we can do exactly as we like. It's not forever although it's lasting much longer than we could have foreseen.
2. I was on my own. John wanted to stay home. I have come to depend on him. I am more likely to stay on track when he is around. I doubt if I would have decided to buy takeaway if John had been with me. We share the chores and caring and I feel less burdened, more in control.
3. I slid back into poor sleep patterns. Didn't sleep well Friday night, Saturday I watched m.ovies on TCM till late and woke again at 4 am, not able to sleep, more of the same on Sunday night last night some improvement in that once I turned out my light about 1.30 a it stayed off.
I've had my whinge.
With one coffee inside me and the 2nd one on the way I am starting to feel brighter. I'm not happy that I depend on coffee to stimulate me but today I'd have been no better than a dead duck without it.
I have done nothing today except read Blogs and do puzzles. I managed to stay grain free